Hi Teens:
“I could never do that,” Vicky replied when her friend Tara told her that she was going to run for Student Council President.
Steve said to Derek, “I am going to try out for the school volleyball team, are you?”
Derek had been practicing for several weeks, and he had a good chance of making the team, but he was thinking, ”What if I don’t make it? I would feel awful. Cory even said just the other day that I am no good at volleyball.”
Have you ever said or thought, “I’m not smart enough to do that,” or “I’m not good enough to do that?”
The reason you think and say things like that is because of the beliefs you have about yourself, which are most likely based on comments that have been made by others at some point in your life. You end up believing not in yourself, but instead in what other people thought instead.
Here are a few samples of limiting beliefs that may sound familiar to you. Do you ever say or think:
I am unlovable.
I am undeserving.
I am unwanted.
I don’t matter.
I am alone.
I am unattractive.
I am slow.
I am stupid.
I always mess up.
I am untalented.
I am unworthy.
I am different.
I am not good enough.
I am a loser.
I am helpless.
I am a failure.
I can’t do it.
I am a klutz.
I am weak.
I do not measure up to others.
If you hold such beliefs, you may have taken them from comments by teachers, siblings, parents, and others. You then allowed those negative comments to become part of your opinion of yourself.
People who make negative comments about others hold negative beliefs about themselves and see others in the same limited, negative way. Anybody with a healthy self-image will generally not make demeaning comments about others.
“We must not allow other people’s limited perceptions to define us.”
Virginia Satir
Ask yourself the following question:
What comments have my family, friends, and strangers made about me?
Did a teacher say that you will never get good grades, and you decided that you just weren’t smart enough?
Did a parent repeat that you can’t do a certain task, and you developed the belief that you are powerless?
How did comments like that affect you? How did you feel about them?
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“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
“A critic is a legless man who teaches running.”
Channing Pollock
You may also acquire negative beliefs about yourself when things go badly for you. Events you see as failures can result in you labeling yourself and harboring negative beliefs.
Here are some samples of situations that could have resulted in negative self thinking (me beliefs).
Consider the following events and how they could affect a person’s beliefs:
*Classmates calling you stupid when your test marks were below theirs.
*Parents not spending as much time with you as you needed, making you think you weren’t good enough, lovable enough, or smart enough.
*Parents getting divorced and you deciding that maybe if you had behaved better they would still be together, making you feel badly.
*Your marks at school are usually quite high, but you get a lower score, and it makes you feel like a failure.
Have any of these things or other situations happened to you? Did you end up with a negative belief about yourself?
Please take some time and write your feelings down.
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Great work! It isn’t easy to become aware of your beliefs, but it’s worth your time to rid yourself of the “not enough” disease.
Now that you know and acknowledge your beliefs, you can decide if you would like to keep them.
Are they helping you feel good about yourself? Do they make you want to take action and pursue the things you would like to do? Do they keep you from feeling happier?
Tip: Whatever you believe will determine your thoughts, which in turn will determine your feelings, which lead you to your actions, which bring you to your results. Would you like to change your results? If yes, then you need to change your underlying beliefs, because they influence everything!
- BELIEFS ——> 2. THOUGHTS ——> 3. FEELINGS ——>
4. ACTIONS ------> 5. RESULTS
Not all of us receive the kind of encouragement and support we need from our parents/guardians when growing up. Even if we did receive praise, it may not have been in the correct manner, such as praise only for performance instead of effort. The resulting thinking would be that efforts are worthwhile only if you accomplish something great.
Feel good just for trying! Do not let other people decide who you are or what you can accomplish! The negative opinions of other people do not have to become your reality. You determine if you allow that to happen!
It’s time now for somebody to believe in you.
Here is the deal. The most important thing is that YOU BELIEVE IN YOU. You need to be the person who is on your side instead of working against you. Our society tends to tear people down rather than lift them up. As a society we focus far too much on looking for the negative in everybody and everything.
It’s bad enough that people talk negatively about others, but if you stop doing that to yourself, you will be taking the first and most important step toward positive thinking.
Don’t worry about what others say about you. What others think or say about you is not your problem. The only thing you need to be concerned about is what you think of yourself!
Take a stand and decide today to start believing in YOU!
Every time you think of yourself in one of those negative ways, you are sending a message to yourself and the world around you, and you will get the results that are in line with what you believe about yourself. If you say that you are stupid, your brain will take what you say to yourself on board, and you will be inclined to attract situations that confirm your negative judgments of yourself, reinforcing the cycle of belief all over again. It’s a vicious cycle, but YOU CAN CHOOSE TO STOP NOW!
Would you talk to your friends the same way you think and talk about yourself? Probably not. Learn to be your best friend, not your worst enemy.
“If you had a friend who talked to you like you sometimes talk to yourself,
would you continue to hang around with that person?”
Rob Bremer
Some of you may worry that thinking positively about yourself is the same as being conceited. No way. The difference between feeling confident and being conceited is thinking you are a good person rather than thinking you are superior to others.
To accept love and respect from others requires that you feel worthy. You must love and respect yourself before you can accept love and respect from others. GIVE love and respect to others. It begins with you first.
By becoming your best, most supportive friend you are able to give so much more of yourself to the people around you. So don’t confuse confidence with arrogance. People who are arrogant or conceited show a lack of self-esteem by bragging about themselves. People who are confident take pleasure in who they are and what they do. They do not feel that they need to prove anything to anybody. Confidence comes from within. When you believe in yourself, others will believe in you.
“Your relationship with others is the mirror to your relationship with you.
Eva Gregory
The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, “If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.”
Now I say, “I will take care of me for you if you will take care of you for me.”
Jim Rohn
Again, one of your biggest choices is the choice of what you believe –
especially about yourself.
I want to congratulate you for taking the time to contemplate your “me beliefs”. It takes courage to look back to see where your beliefs came from. It’s also natural to get a little defensive when someone (even yourself) questions your beliefs.
Just a quick tip:
Try putting a rubber band around your wrist, and every time you catch yourself “name calling” or thinking negative thoughts about yourself, give it a little tug (or a big one if you like) and let go. ZAP! This little tool will help you realize just how much you talk and think badly about yourself.
It’s also important for you to correct the negative statement with a more empowering one. For example, you forget your school books at home, and when you realize what you did, you say, “I am soooo stupid!” That won’t do. Change that to, “I am remembering to take my books all the time.”
You may start out with a sore wrist, but you will end up with a stronger sense of self.
Remember, whether your words are spoken or unspoken, they are equally important.